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I recognize this conversation is a big yawn for some. Not everyone is involved in adoption and not everyone has a horse in the race. Not an adoptive parent? Not ever going to be one? Not close with someone that is? You are politely excused from this conversation. Sorry we're going on and on an oooonnnnn about this lately. Apparently, this has hit a nerve with Troy and I.  

Last week I posted a link to an adoption ethics post written by Jen Hatmaker. Part I is here, if you missed it.

"Adoption is an answer to a tragedy that has already happened, but may it never be the impetus for one that hasn’t." -Jen Hatmaker
Today I am sharing part II  - you can find it HERE. 

I like this second post as well, because it gives brand new adoptive parents some good questions to ask. I think we all recognize that these issues get a whole lot more difficult after you've turned over money and adoption dossiers and your heart. Not to say it is too late to care about ethics, but it might be too late to vote your ethics with your dollars and choice of agency.  

Blind trust of any agency that claims to be faith-based is a risky approach. The most egregious abuses of the system that I have seen in our eleven years of exposure to the adoption world have been perpetrated by people that speak 'christianese' and 'religion' with skill and ease. Great websites and moving taglines and multiple Bible verses with glossy photos do not an ethical agency make.  The American adoption agency is one portion of the equation, said agency needs to be hooked up with solid people and programs on the ground in the other country as well. That means double research in order to perform due diligence. I encourage you to read both parts of Jen's posts.


Adoption is a great answer for kids that need adopting. We believe that. Adoption can be redemptive and wonderful, but it won't solve the issues of "orphans" or vulnerable and institutionalized children. That is a fact. One reason to support first families remaining together (and make sure relinquishments are ethical every.time.) comes along with recognizing that adoption doesn't scratch the surface of the overall problem. It leaves too many behind. 

I am concerned about something. I am finding that some first world parents feel like they are generally going to be a better answer for a child born to a poor mother.  And there, we part ways. Au revoir. It is almost like they believe materially poor people cannot love their children adequately.  (To clarify, we are not talking about abusive parents or mentally ill parents here.) 

For whatever reason, there is an undercurrent that involves privilege. American privilege, consumer privilege, born into money and things privilege, white privilege, Christian wanting to convert others privilege, whatever it is... probably some combination of all, that says, "I am better for this kid than you, poor person."   

I'll submit sometimes that is true; sometimes a materially poor or mentally ill or terribly abusive parent cannot care for a child - but not always and not even usually. It doesn't take all that much to love a first family and give them a hand up, it doesn't take much to encourage and cheer on a first mother. We just have to be willing to do it.

In my estimation, if we ascribe to the thinking that we are better suited to be parents because of our American passports and wads of cash, we are on our way to more trafficking, not less.

As a tangible example, a long time friend of ours was faced with a huge dilemma. She had begun the process of adopting a boy and a girl. After turning her dossier in and paying the first set of fees the biological father of the boy came forward to say that he did not want his son raised outside of Haiti. The mother had relinquished rights but he had not. He asked to put a stop to the adoption.  He also had zero desire or intention of taking his child out of the orphanage to raise him. He essentially said, "I don't want my child being placed for adoption and I don't want to raise my own child."  How terribly difficult, right? My friend was in great pain, as you can imagine.  I know a lot of people would fight the birth father, bribe him, threaten him, but my friend believed that his right to decide where is son would live and grow up was to be honored even though she did not want or respect his choice. She determined that a birth parent's voice matters  - no matter how poor - no matter how little sense his decision made to her. She decided her position of privilege and ability to push through to get her way in the situation was an incorrect response. At great personal cost, she walked away from pursuing the adoption of that little boy. 

I have been reading with interest some of the commentary happening after these posts as they are shared in various locations. 

I recognize most people don't comment at all. They read, consider, agree, disagree, or fall in the middle but don't leave a comment. Of those that are engaging in the discussion, there seem to be two strong general reactions to this conversation:

1. This is important stuff and we should talk and think about it and try to improve and educate others and ourselves and care more about ethical adoption and do our best to prevent complicity with corruption. We should look at keeping families together whenever possible. We should work at it. This is good conversation.

OR

2. This is all a load of crap and you are going to ruin adoption by saying that people are coerced or saying that any of these unethical practices take place. You are going to hurt children by talking about this bad stuff. Less people will adopt because you talked about this. When that happens, you are to blame. 

I had hoped for a lot less of number two. For whatever reason asking for everyone to try hard to research more and work toward a more ethical and transparent process causes defensiveness. I don't understand how people can be against doing better research and knowing more about the issues when they enter into an adoption.  I don't understand the defensive reactions. How can a more informed and ethical approach to adoption be a problem? How many of us - ten years down the line - will raise our hand when the question is asked, "Who went in ignorant and naive and wishes they would have known more?"  (raising hand)

I have noticed that a lot of people are throwing around the word sovereignty. There were many comments along the lines of - "God is sovereign and He chose this child to be mine even if sketchy and unethical stuff happened." Additionally, many of the same folks said, "All this negativity and talking about unethical adoptions is going to scare people away from adopting and then kids will grow up in orphanages and that will be the fault of those stirring this stuff up."  

Simmer in that sauce for a minute.

That is not intellectually honest. You cannot cling to His sovereignty one moment and ignore it the next. How is God's sovereignty made void by a healthy, honest, and critical look at the harm we can cause? 

If one claims God's sovereignty placed a child in a second adoptive family then one must also claim that sovereignty is directing the current conversations striving for more ethical adoption practices. 

This comment was one of a handful that seemed to have read an entirely different post than what was written:

I hope that good people that want to adopt are not swayed by negativity that I hear about. I called a friend of mine that is a director of a clinic and I told him of only one mother out of 300 giving up her child.* He sounded a bit irritated and unimpressed. He pointed out that there are thousands of mothers who can not take care of their children. Mothers that are abused by men, that sell themselves as a means of survival. Do not be influenced by these people. If these people are concerned about child trafficking let them go rescue the children that are being carried across the DR border as we speak. Simply because someone is right does not make everyone else wrong. Too many good Christian people on here to want to hear what I would really have to say to people that are putting guilt trips on someone for giving a child a family.  

*A statistic I provided to Jen in her first post, a reflection of what has happened since 2009 within the Prenatal program with deliveries and mothers that Heartline worked with during their pregnancies and for six months after.  

That sort of defensive behavior and response is what most discourages me in this conversation. Rather than listen to a testimonial that says, "A small amount of love and encouragement and investment can often go a long way in keeping a family united, even when materially poor or young",  some still choose to ignore the experiences of others, and spend their energy defending misinformed positions. There is no guilt trip. 

If "thousands" of young moms in Haiti or any other country truly "cannot take care of their children", we have infinitely more work to do because, for a plethora of reasons, adoption is never going to cover even a fraction of that. That basically proves the point about needing to do many things differently, including but not limited to, working more diligently to uphold first families. 

Nobody said that adoption should be removed as one viable option to allow children to be raised in a family. Why are some changing the argument into something that has not been suggested?  Why discredit the person asking that we be more informed, more caring, more aware, more ethical, more well-rounded in our approach to caring for the widow and orphan? As followers of a Just King, we need to be about love; we need to be about justice.

Justice delayed, is justice denied. 

-William Gladstone

Recent Posts on this topic:
First, Do No Harm
Love is What You Do 
Of reunions, clarification, and closure

As we go about our full, unpredictable, and busy daily lives, as we are alerted to injustice, as we seek to tell the truth no matter how inconvenient or uncomfortable, as we do our best to love each other and others well while preparing for the next big transition for our family, the following words resonate deeply.



"Our life is a short time in expectation, a time in which sadness and joy kiss each other at every moment. There is a quality of sadness that pervades all the moments of our lives. It seems that there is no such thing as a clear-cut pure joy, but that even in the most happy moments of our existence we sense a tinge of sadness.


In every satisfaction, there is an awareness of limitations. In every success, there is the fear of jealousy. Behind every smile, there is a tear. In every embrace, there is loneliness. In every friendship, distance. And in all forms of light, there is the knowledge of surrounding darkness...

But this intimate experience in which every bit of life is touched by a bit of death can point us beyond the limits of our existence. It can do so by making us look forward in expectation to the day when our hearts will be filled with perfect joy, a joy that no one shall take away from us."


Henri J.M. Nouwen
(Making All Things New: An Invitation to the Spiritual Life)

Haiti is estimated to have 250,000 restaveks — children working as unpaid servants after their parents, who cannot afford to raise them, give them away.

 We painted, cleaned, worked around the house.  We watched Chris graduate.
We went to the Maternity Center and joined Beth M and Beth C and welcomed this little guy into the world...

We rushed home to see this girl graduate just a few moments ago ... 



Perma-Grins all around! From Waco to Port au Prince.Sic em Bears! 

Our first Flag Day Memories ('06) HERE. 
Satire and humor below, a more serious look at the issues HERE.
Our Jacmel friends, the Mangines, celebrating Flag Day HERE.

Thursday Prenatal Day
"In the East End, I found grace, and faith, and hope, hidden in the darkest corners. I found tenderness and squalor and laughter amid filth. I found purpose and a path and I worked with a passion for the best reason of all. I did it for love."   
-Jenny Lee, Call the Midwife 
In Port au Prince, we find grace, and faith, and hope, hidden in the darkest corners. We find tenderness and squalor and laughter amid filth. We find purpose and a path and we work with a passion for the best reason of all.  We do it for love. 
-Beth, Wini, Andrama, Agathe, Tara - Heartline Staff
We are so grateful to do this with you all. Thank you so much for always praying and sharing your resources and showing up in such tangible ways to support this work.


 Lydia and Phoebe meeting Alexander, the little preemie at Heartline


~         ~         ~ 




We are sitting in Port au Prince while wishing we were at Baylor University to see these two go-getters walk across the stage. Thankfully we have some representatives that have gone in our place to see the big event. Congratulations, and love, and mad-props to our oldest daughter and her marvelous husband as they both receive their Masters degrees from BU this weekend. We are with you in spirit, Brittany and Christopher! 


(Brittany, a Masters degree in Public HealthChristopher, a Masters degree in SocialWork/Non-Profit Management)

Isaac and I landed with our fancy cooler of vaccine early Wednesday morning. I don't know what pleased me most, his giddy excitement returning home to his brother, his fabulous and astute insight into American culture, or the way in which he thanked every American Airline employee individually for the ride. The pilot said, "Keep doing what you're doing Mom!"  I said, "Trust me.  This child's joy and love has so very little to do with me, but thanks!" 


Isaac and his friend, Glori - experiencing joy on the Ft Lauderdale beach
His day three dose of Rabies vaccine was administered at noon yesterday. I kind of snickered as I pulled out the paperwork and saw, "This drug is given in a hospital or clinic and will not be stored at home."  Ahem.  

Isaac said, "Mom, I need to call in all the kids and show them how to do shots without pain."  Okay??   He called all his siblings while I mixed up the vaccine.  He gave a convincing tutorial on relaxing your muscle and spoke with great authority about the ease of getting shots as long as you can relax your mind and body.  I gave him the vaccine and wondered how in the world any of this could be more strange?  I don't even doubt for a second that we will find out.

I don't ever want to forget the fun of spending 72 hours with Isaac in the USA. We just don't do a lot of "one on one" time due to logistics in Port au Prince, I was given a little gift with that bat bite. My notes are scrawled everywhere because that child is so dang quotable.  Isaacumen vol. 1 from America coming as soon as I have time to compile all the nuggets of insight. 



~          ~           ~ 
The important stuff, quickly ...


little preemie guy born Tuesday afternoon

• Please pray for this little man.  His name has not yet been chosen. He was born at 31 to 32 week mark and is 3lbs & 11 ounces of precious.  His weight puts him just a tiny bit too big for the hospitals to keep him.  His weight  and age puts him just a few weeks too little to be expected to go home.  He and his Momma, Guernise, will be living in Heartline's postpartum room for a couple of weeks.  Pray he gains weight, eats well, stays germ/bacteria free, etc.   

• A few months back we began doing foster care for an amazing little guy in the process of being adopted named A.J. Cox.  You might remember Paige has a side mission and passion of loving on sweet small people that need an interim care-giver.  Paige has taken on his primary caregiver role. His adoptive parents had their dossier taken from them because the agency did not agree with their decision to move him. The agency/orphanage would like them not to speak about what they know, so they've asked for a gag order before they will return it.  Troy and I made two visits to attempt to check on him, there was zero transparency and many things that concerned us. We don't have a dossier  or a child that can be used as leverage and we don't have a single reason not to speak. Because his family's dossier is being held as a bargaining chip, or punishment tool, the Cox family needs to reproduce documents they have already paid for and turned over.  There is a fundraiser at Project Hopeful to help them with this. You can read more about it HERE.  To quote them,  "We hope that, after reading our story, you will support us for this simple reason: we will not sign a gag order to protect our former adoption "agency" and their facilitator in return for the easy release of our documents."

Paige & AJ


“Truth never damages a cause that is just.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

The longer I lived in Haiti, the less I believed in my work.

THE “M COMMUNITY”: LGBT COURAGE IN HAITI

 

An interview with Charlot Jeudy

 by Alexis Erkert

 

May 15, 2013

 …

by Kim Ives (Haiti Liberte)
Former President Jean-Bertrand Aristide called for national unity to tackle the problem of hunger in Haiti and thanked the Haitian people for their massive show of solidarity the day before when thousands joined him in a slow procession through Port-au-Prince back his residence from making a court deposition on May 8.            “Yesterday, was an ordinary day, but you made it into an extraordinary day, and I say thank you,” Aristide said on May 9 to about 20 journalists assembled in his home’s Spartan study, where he has spent most of the past two years since his return to Haiti from a seven year exile on Mar. 18, 2011. Since that day, when thousands also accompanied him home, it was the first time he has spoken publicly.            In the course of his 40 minute talk, Aristide also thanked Haitians in Haiti’s rural provinces, its diaspora, the police force, his Lavalas Family party, and “all the other political parties.”            Speaking directly to the Haitian people, he obliquely tweaked the government of President Michel Martelly, but refrained from any direct criticism or policy discussion. “I know you have a $1.50 problem,” he said referring to the illegal tax that the Martelly government levies on every money transfer Haitians make to folks back home. “I know you have a problem in the sending of money. I know you have problems in the question of telephone calls [where a 5 cent or 1 gourde tax is placed on every minute of international calls]... I’m not going to get into the problems. I’m not going to get into making criticisms.”            Instead, he spoke about his university, his emotions after the earthquake, and his love for the Haitian people.            “I want to say thank you for what you have taught me,” he said. “Yesterday I learned a lot. In the two years since I’ve returned, I’ve been learning at the school of the Haitian people.”            He reported that his medical school began with 126 students, but that “this year it opened with 254 students, while there are 115 who are in their second year of medical school.” He also said that the University of the Aristide Foundation (UNIFA) now has a nursing school with 73 students and a developing computer school.            “All the students this year have partial-scholarships,” he said. “When in a university a student pays 90,000 gourdes (US$2,118) for the year, with us in the first year they pay 30,000 gourdes (US$706), one third.”            “We’d like to do more, but we don’t have the means,” he said. “Whatever little bit I can do for education, I do it.”            To the consternation of many of his followers that he has not spoken out, he replied: “Nobody forced me not to speak. I don’t take orders. Like the Haitian people, I’m my own boss. I speak when I have to. Nobody can stop me from talking.”            As for staying in his home, he said: “I didn’t leave with my body, but I left with my heart. My heart’s eyes sees far. My heart’s eyes see what is happening in the provinces and in Port-au-Prince.”            He said his trip through Port-au-Prince had reminded him of all the suffering and damage after the earthquake and “yesterday I relived it.”            “I know what it means for you who have not been able to escape the pain of goudougoudou,” he said, using Haitians’ onomatopoetic term for the seism. In typical form, he rattled off various statistics about the damage done by the earthquake.            “I saw a people that even though they have suffered under rubble, they have a pride, a dignity, a determination, a character, and they want to live, they have to live,” he said. “Despite being deceived, they still stand.”            Most of his declaration was a call for Haitians to come together to fight hunger, sparked by an old woman who had pointed to her belly during the march the day before. “When I eat, I’m ashamed as I think of people who cannot eat,” he said.             Aristide called on politicians to “depoliticize” hunger to fight it, and to come together.            “The Fanmi Lavalas is growing and becoming stronger and more powerful,” he said. “If there are free, honest, democratic elections, it is likely that it will win big.”            But Fanmi Lavalas is also “fooling itself” if it thinks “it is going to resolve the problem of hunger by itself. That’s false. It cannot.” He also said that the Martelly government, “with all the respect that I have for the current authorities,” could not solve it alone either.            “The problem of hunger demands that we find a formula where people and parties who are in power and those who are not, overseas Haitians with those here, can dialogue together with respect so we can solve this hunger question because it is no joke.”

by Kim Ives (Haiti Liberte)
Well over 15,000 people poured out from all corners of Haiti's capital to march alongside the cortege of cars that carried former Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide back to his home in Tabarre from the Port-au-Prince courthouse he visited on May 8.            Thousands more massed along sidewalks and on rooftops to cheer the procession on, waving flags and wearing small photos of Aristide in their hair, pinned to their clothing, or stuck in their hats.            Led by Fanmi Lavalas party coordinator Maryse Narcisse through a gauntlet of jostling journalists, Aristide had entered the courthouse (the former Belle Époque Hotel) at exactly 9:00 a.m., the time of his appointment to testify before Investigating Judge Ivickel Dabrésil. Aristide had waited with Narcisse in a car outside the court's backdoor for about 45 minutes. It was only the second time that Aristide had left his home (and the first time publicly) since returning to Haiti on Mar. 18, 2011 from a seven-year exile in Africa following the Feb. 29, 2004 Washington-backed coup d’état which cut short his second government.            Lawyer Mario Joseph said that he was "very satisfied" with the reception given by Judge  Dabrésil, who is investigating the April 2000 murder of radio journalist Jean Dominique and his radio’s caretaker Jean-Claude Louissaint, for which Aristide is one of many prominent Haitians, including former President René Préval, interviewed for testimony. Joseph said the three hour deposition was very "cordial and relaxed."            But many Haitians feared that the summoning of Aristide – even if only for testimony –  was a trap set by President Michel Martelly, who, as the former vulgar konpa musician “Sweet Micky,” was the principal cheerleader of both the 1991 and 2004 coups d’état against Aristide.            “This summoning of Aristide is a political act remote-controlled by the Martelly government, the same as the now discredited legal suits brought a few months ago by Ti Sony [a former resident of the Lafanmi Selavi orphanage who claimed that Aristide had “exploited” him and other orphans] and some who lost money when the cooperative banks went bust [while Aristide was in power in 2002 and 2003],” said outspoken Sen. Moïse Jean-Charles. “Those previous efforts to smear and destroy Aristide failed, so now they are trying this.”            Many Haitian radio commentators point to Judge Dabrésil’s postponement of Aristide’s deposition from its original date of Apr. 24 as proof that there is a political hand in the judge’s proceedings. The deposition, and the expected anti-Martelly pro-Aristide outpouring, would have taken place during the 5th Summit of the Association of Caribbean States (ACS) from Apr. 23-26 held in Pétionville and attended by many regional leaders.            Furthermore, on Mar. 7, the Defend Haiti website reported that “Presidential Adviser Guyler Delva admitted, earlier this week, to giving Judge Ivekel Dabrésil a car, and Senator John Joel Joseph said on Radio Scoop FM on Wednesday [Apr. 30] that the administration had purchased a house in Florida for the judge.”            Another impetus for the massive turn-out came on the evening of May 7 when Haitian National Police (PNH) Director General Godson Orélus took to the airwaves to announce that the PNH had “received no formal notification of the demonstration” as required by law and that therefore “any demonstration is formally forbidden” along the route between Aristide’s house and the courthouse.            “The police don’t want any demonstration,” he concluded, throwing down a gauntlet which the Haitian people took up the next morning.            Lavalas leaders, including Narcisse, responded that the march was not a “demonstration” but an “accompaniment” of Aristide by the Haitian people. Many Lavalas leaders came to the courthouse to show their solidarity including Senators Moïse Jean-Charles, John Joel Joseph, Francky Excius, and Jean Baptiste Bien-Aimée; Deputy Saurel Hyacinthe; former senator Gérard Louis Gilles; former deputies Jacques Mathelier and Lionel Etienne; former Justice Minister Calixte Delatour; activists Farah Juste, Claudy Sidney, and Volcy Assad.            About 100 people had spent the night in a vigil across the street from Aristide’s home. At 6 a.m., hundreds more joined them to mass on the sidewalks in front of Aristide's house.            But the real “accompaniment” began after the hearing. Leaving the courthouse at noon, Aristide's ride home took five hours, passing slowly through downtown Port-au-Prince, the Champ de Mars, the hillside slum of Belair, Delmas 2, then the roads through the old military airport and past the international airport.            Parallel solidarity demonstrations were held in Cap Haïtien, Aux Cayes, and Petit Goâve.            Alongside the 20 or so cars that followed Aristide’s silver jeep, young and old walked, jogged, and ran, singing, chanting, and laughing. The river of humanity included motorcycles, bicycles, wheelchairs, and the occasional person on crutches.            Marchers also tore down pink government propaganda posters from lampposts along the way. Several copies of one poster declaring “With the Martelly/Lamothe government, Haiti is advancing” was torn up and left in pieces in the street for vehicles and marchers to pass over. (Martelly’s long-time business partner Laurent Lamothe is Haiti’s Prime Minister.)            Three times Aristide got out of his car to wave to the crowd -- outside the courthouse gate, in Belair, and in front of his home -- causing people to sprint toward his car and raise their arms, creating a sea of hands. Afterwards, people hugged and high-fived each other, some laughing, some crying.            Even one man dressed in rags moved down the line of cars following Aristide, wiping each car clean with a dirty cloth but asking for no money in return.            “Se pa lajan non, se volontè wi,” (It’s not for money, I’m here of my own free will) was the refrain of crowds which turned out for Aristide’s massive campaign rallies when he first ran for President in November and December 1990. The song was heard again on May 8, 2013 in the largely spontaneous march, which grew in size and volume as it made its way through the capital.            In contrast, when Martelly organized a carnival-like rally of a few thousand in the Champ de Mars on May 14, many participants were paid 1000 gourdes (US$24) a head to turn out. They were also given a t-shirt - either pink or white - to put on. But after taking the money, many "celebrants" discarded their t-shirts in the street, Haïti Liberté reporters observed. (A Haiti Liberté photographer was prevented from accessing media stand at the May 14 rally after presenting his press credentials.)            Some pundits tried to banalize the historic march, saying it was merely the beginning of the electoral campaign of the Lavalas Family (FL), the party that Aristide founded in 1996. (Many Haitian political leaders, including those in the FL, strongly doubt whether free and fair elections can be held under Martelly, or whether he even wants to hold them. “No matter what, Martelly has to go” was another chant heard during the march.)            But May 8, 2013 was much more than a mere campaign rally. It was a watershed event, a popular show of force which has changed the political calculus of Haiti in the near-term. Haitian history has shown that when the Haitian people begin to move in such numbers, major political change is imminent. The weeks ahead will reveal exactly what that political change will be.



Following his May 8 court appearance, Aristide was “accompanied” by many thousands of Haitians, young and old, in an emotional march back to his home.Photo by: Daniel Tercier/Haiti Liberté

Isaac and his siblings headed south last Friday with their gifted and always adventurous teachers. They drove about 6 hours (which does not mean 300 miles by any stretch of the imagination) to their destination. They had some ideas in mind for what they would see and experience.  On Saturday after breakfast they headed to check out some caves in the area.

As Isaac tells the story, (typing it in word for word) it went like this:

"We were going on Paige's graduation trip. We were coming out of the first of three caves. This person started screaming suddenly. This kid was pushing him toward whatever was scaring him. Everyone got scared and everyone started pushing back and forward and not knowing what to do because some bats started flying around.  The screaming made it so we didn't know what was going on. Paige grabbed me vehemently (that means strong, violently, and intensely but I am using that in a good way, not like she did that to hurt me).  So I was the first one in line which meant that I was the last to be able to get away from the irate (this means angry) bats. I felt a pain in my ear. For about two seconds it was locked onto my ear. It was stinging a lot. A little more worse than a Bee sting.  Paige said, "Isaac, your ear is bleeding." I touched my ear. Sure enough. It was. That is the end of my appalling story.  I hope you can use appalling that way in that sentence."

Meanwhile back in Port au Prince, Troy and I were home listening to Lydia's gas and wiggling Phoebe's front teeth and watching Call the Midwife together. Our Saturday was turning into the exact lard-fest we were hoping for.  Around 1pm, Paige texted about the bat bite.  I was initially totally chill.

But then...
The Google.

I called Kelley Crowdis, a spunky and brilliant Veterinarian in Haiti.  She said that for sure he needed to be vaccinated.  She said the bite being on his head made it a bit riskier and time mattered more. We started looking for the vaccine and wrote to Dokte Jen to see what her input might be.

By 4pm we had enough Google, Veterinarian, and ER Pediatrician advice to know we wanted him to get the best (unexpired) vaccine and the Immunoglobulin too.  We found a price list from the drug rep we use for the Mat Center - and the Immunoglobulin was on his list for $2,500 USD.  Getting him to take our call and deliver it on a Saturday or Sunday was in question. The refrigeration of his vaccines was in question. The fact that it was on his price list didn't mean he actually had it.  If you've eaten at a restaurant in Haiti you understand this.  Lists of items available are meant to share what might happen - if perhaps you were somewhere else.

Beth tried to contact the U.S. Embassy (didn't find the right person, weekends are not the best time for needing the Embassy) but the rumor was that they had vaccine but not Immunoglobulin. There were just too many questions and we did not want to choose to sit in Haiti and gamble with the unknowns and the unconfirmed while allowing our flight possiblities to close. It seemed like a pretty simple decision.  We booked flights to Florida and left Sunday morning at 9am.

We arrived in Fort Lauderdale before noon and our oldest daughter's mother-in-law, Jill, picked us up.  She drove us straight to Joe DiMaggio Children's hospital where they knew we were coming thanks to Dr. Jen and her simply amazing and kind friend, Dr. Hopkins.
slightly nervous upon check-inchatty with nurse

Within 90 minutes of landing in the USA the vaccine he needed was in his body.  I didn't even know how stressed I was until he had the vaccine swimming in his veins. Four elephants climbed up and off my chest and we called our ride to pick us up.

The ER nurses were fascinated by this bat story. When one of them asked Isaac, "What is it like living in Haiti?"  He said,  "Well, it can be challenging at times. Like yesterday for instance, when a bat bit my ear. That was pretty challenging". She didn't quite know how to take him. He is such a unique and wonderful combo of dorky and awesome, oblivious and brilliant. 

This is the back yard of the home of the wonderful friends that are hosting our little Rabies adventure.


Moral of the story? 
Bat bites sometimes equal fabulous.

Part II of our crazy adventure later (along with SO MANY wonderful America Isaacumen observations) ... For now we are off to the hospital to pick up the next three doses of the vaccine to take home with us in the morning.

tara

Please read this post and watch for the follow up post.

Jen Hatmaker - BLOG

I know that just shutting up about this already is what would be more comfortable for most of us, myself included.

One precious woman told me that I need to "Let God be God".  I asked what that means. I found out it means, when you see something troubling, corrupt, unjust, or ugly, you simply pray and then look away. Don't DO anything after that. And for the love of God, don't talk about it!

Because I have come to deeply love Haitian families, and because I believe there is a tendency to trample on first mothers (all over the world) at times, I don't plan to shut up. 

“Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected 
are as outraged as those who are.”  -Benjamin Franklin

Journalists from the Haitian news outlet Radio Télé Ginen attempting to cover the May 8 court appearance of former president Jean-Bertrand Aristide - who was being questioned in connection with the April 2000 murder of journalist Jean Dominique - were reportedly attacked, as was their vehicle, by Mr. Aristide's partisans. Both the Association des Médias Indépendants d’Haïti (AMIH) and the Association Nationale des Médias Haïtiens (ANMH) have condemned this incident, which is reminiscent of the hostility and violence towards the press displayed by Mr. Aristide's government and his Fanmi Lavalas political party before and during his 2001-2004 tenure in office.

For the AMIH and ANMH declarations (in French), please see the following links: L’AMIH condamne aussi l’attaque de manifestants pro-Lavalas contre Radio Télé Ginen and L’ANMH condamne l’agression contre Télé Ginen.

Video footage of some of the attacks in embedded below.

last day of 2012-2013 school yearleaving 12th grade and Heartline Academy behind 
Sajoy abounds!  

Thursday afternoon the kids completed their regular school year.  Paige is officially finished with High School. She had to work her tiny little tail off for two and a half years to catch up from the earth trembling nonsense of 9th grade, but she did it!

Her graduation partying starts with her Grandparents arrival in just 10 days. Eighteen others fly in over a period of four days and the celebration continues on until the 25th of May when we have an official ceremony for the single graduating senior at Heartline Academy.

At this hour Paige, Isaac, Hope, and Noah are with Jimmy, Becky, and their daughter Abigail heading toward a weekend of adventure. Becky wrote us a couple weeks ago suggesting a "Senior Trip" for Paige. I was and am touched by the love the Burtons have for Paige, (and all the kids) and that they would take time to organize a trip for Paige is deeply touching to Troy and I. It might also be marginally troubling. Jimmy and Becky voluntarily signed up for a road trip in Haiti with a questionable vehicle, four of our kids, and their baby.  I have no explanation, these Texans are cut from a different cloth. Yee-Haw and God Bless 'em!

Last night the fools were all packed to go and refused to use their pillows because the pillows were sitting by the bags, ready to go. When I suggested that using the pillow - and then packing it in the morning might be an alternative idea, I quickly learned I am a moron.  Duh. It is packed. Of course it cannot be used. Becky pointed out that if they didn't really need the pillow to sleep it seemed silly to have packed it.  Funny little fools, all of them.

The only other packing oddness that took place was surrounding Noah and his underwear. He was lamenting that the underwear he loves the most were not clean. Ever the sensitive mother of many, I said, "You're fine. Take a pair of Isaac's. Other underwear are good enough."  Not true. He made a national case of the underwear situation and an hour later when I came to the kitchen Geronne was hand washing underwear in the kitchen sink while telling me, "Madame Troy, I understand the things of children. Noah needs this pair. He loves this pair."

Oh, well then ...Nobody told me that I don't "understand the things of children".  :) When Noah woke up at 5:30 this morning to leave for his trip, his underwear had been lovingly placed next to his head where a pillow might have been, if he was normal.

Thanks to the 'Senior Trip', Troy and I are spending this coming weekend with a smaller contingent of odd little people.

Phoebe has two front teeth hanging askew on top. One goal for the weekend is to remove them. Lydia is especially gaseous of late. She finds much merriment in this. Almost daily we get to hear things like: "Who farted? Just kidding. I did." and  "I tooted two times. Just kidding. Three."

As you can see, our weekend plans are ambitious. We'll be here pulling teeth and counting farts. After that, we will see what Port au Prince throws at us and spend some time in the glass cage.

last day of school duds and poses 

Our hearts ache, but we always have joy. We are poor, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything. 2 Corinthians 6:10 



~          ~          ~Here we all are...Witnessing despair and delight Tradgedy and triumphHere we all are...Living an incongruent and uncomfortable Beautiful and horrible contradictory lifeSorrowful yet rejoicing 
n'ap kenbe,tara


photo: mikerlange & her newborn daughter, 'love' ~ May 7, 2013

Maybe you noticed, I am all in a tither about adoption stuff lately.

No?  Oh. Okay, forget I said anything.

I shared the story of my little sister, Tina, reuniting with her daughter last summer. The beauty and restoration found in their story defies my ability to describe beauty and restoration. Their story is only 20 years young, I believe there will be so much more to tell.

Later this summer, my sister and my niece will travel to Haiti together and I will be allowed the honor and privilege of meeting my 20 year old niece for the very first time. (Glass cage of emotion!) My wound-up-tight anticipation surrounding this quickly approaching day is akin to  child-like excitement multiplied by one hundred bags of Pop-Rocks.

My niece was raised by a wonderful and caring family. She had all the benefits and gifts that love and family offer. We honor her adoption and respect her adoptive parents. We also thank God that they did not stand in the way of a reunion between my sister and her first born child. This is Tina's closure; the very beginning of it.

I received an email this week. It called on me to clarify that sometimes adoption is messy and hairy and difficult circumstances lead to the need for adoption. Additionally, first/birth moms cannot easily be "honored" and the stories cannot be told. I was asked to be careful about my call for truth in those circumstances. I was confused because I did not recall writing anything of the sort. I don't assume that every birth family connection can be kept and held close.  I recognize that evil, sin, mental illness, and unimaginable horrors caused by all three can make sharing the entire story a very difficult, if not impossible, thing to do.

I do think know many, many more first families could be honored and trusted with photos and contact. I do know adoptive parents sometimes dishonor first families by withholding information. I do know that adoptive families occasionally decide things are evil that are really just cultural and that their lack of understanding of culture manifests itself in fearful responses. I do know that we fear what we do not understand. But is it an ALL or NOTHING situation?  No. Of course not. I did not write or even imply that all stories can be shared openly with young children or even adolescent children. I don't presuppose that I know what is best for your child.  I know that for my child, open, active, and lively discussion about adoption - about the pain, sorrow, loss, joy, and complexities of it all - is healthy and necessary.

I do think truth is important. Mature young adults deserve to be told their entire story if they wish to know it. Secrets cause darkness and whether inadvertently or by design, secrets result in much pain, resentment, and harm.

I had another kind lady write to say that I am going to discourage people from adopting by talking about the unethical practices going on in International Adoption. She said people will be afraid because of what I am sharing. My offical response to that is this: To oppose evil we must have an ongoing dedication to reality and to truth at all costs. Darkness cannot claim what Light does not surrender.  Not talking about the issues has never been the answer. Nobody will convince me otherwise. I did not say, "Never adopt - never consider it".  I did say, Be cautious, do a ton of research, care deeply about the rights of first families, avoid unethical practices, don't believe websites and fancy Jesus-speak.

I have so much more to say, but I sense that my emotions are running far too high to be writing very much on the topic right now.  I sense that I need to be in a better place before I process these concerns and struggles on the interweb. I've had a front row seat to some pretty terrible stuff lately and I confess it is messing with my ability to be objective. Until I find my peace and my words, please consider the needs of most adoptees to know their heritage, to know their biology, to attempt to find peace with where they came from and who they are.

I believe that we are all children of the Most High God; that we are all "adopted" in our own right... But I know first hand that religious platitudes don't answer the deepest questions of our souls. God loves us, He calls us to Himself as His beloved children, but our imperfect and broken humanness (for which He sent His Son to die) sometimes needs to search for our place in The Story in ways that are far more complicated than a children's Bible song or any religious mantra.

I am expressing things that make some folks feel defensive, I recognize that.  I am sorry that is the case but I believe that in order to be truthful with myself I need to be wrestling with a lot of these things and trying to live honestly in the difficult tension of this truth: Adoption can be redemptive and beautiful AND adoption can be painful and destructive. To claim it is all glory and all beauty is incredibly insensitive to those that have lost much.

Juxtaposition City. That's where I live.
Join me.

~      ~      ~    
Want to support a project highlighting a reunion?  Check this out.

Support it here. 

Links to previous posts on the topic:
1- First, Do No Harm
2- Isaac's Family, at Love is What You Do

After sending kids out the door this morning, I sat down for a cathartic little cry to accompany my coffee. It felt great. We are juggling such joyous and happy things while also carrying the weight of unjust and difficult things. We find ourselves trapped in a glass cage of emotion. Much (most) about life in Haiti is finding a way to live joyfully in the midst of that constant tension. 

There is no escaping the fact that tragedy tries to trample on triumph. There is no denying that joy and sorrow are always dancing and intertwined in complex ways. 

I suppose this 'glass cage' is mainly a weird manifestation of grief. The post (below) on grief rang true to me because a part of the sajoy (sad joy - that's a thing) we are feeling lately is due to getting ready for Paige's graduation celebration and the joining of many friends in two weeks.~         ~         ~
Excerpts below, find the full post HERE. (From Communicating Across Boundaries)Research shows that those of us who have grown up as third culture kids have layers on layers of loss.Dave Pollock, a man who arguably did more to understand the third culture kid experience than any other before his death, said this: “One of the major areas in working with TCKs is that of…dealing with the issue of unresolved grief. They are always leaving or being left. Relationships are short-lived.At the end of each school year, a certain number of the student body leaves, not just for the summer, but for good.It has to be up to the parent to provide a framework of support and careful understanding as the child learns to deal with this repetitive grief.”He ends the paragraph with these words:“Most TCKs go through more grief experiences by the time they are 20 than monocultural individuals do in a lifetime.”Grief is good.  Grief is individual. Grief is rarely nicely organized. Grief is physical and emotional. Grief is culturally based. Laughter in the midst of grief is okay. 

most recent birth @ Heartline Maternity Center



The World Needs Midwives Now More than Ever! 

Over 287,000 women and over 3 million infants around the world die each year as a result of preventable pregnancy and childbirth complications. Most of these deaths would be prevented if there were enough qualified and adequately resourced midwives.

When mothers and newborns die, approximately US$15.5 billion in potential productivity is lost each year. 

Universal access to a well-educated, regulated midwifery 
workforce in a health system with adequate equipment and supplies could prevent up to 60% of maternal deaths.

To ensure universal coverage for maternity care an estimated 350,000 extra midwives are needed. Developed and developing countries both need better quality midwifery care.




~         ~         ~


Looking Back:In the spring of 2007, after a couple of years as friends, Beth McHoul invited me to come to a class being taught in Port au Prince by a visiting midwife. Beth was listening to her heart and following God's prompting on her life to pursue a dream of a prenatal program for women in the densely populated and under served area of Port au Prince. I came to that class as an escape from the village life, a change of pace, and to see my friend. I wasn't necessarily interested in midwifery, but I was curious enough to come to the class. 
In mid 2008 we moved to Port-au-Prince and were given a front row seat to watch Beth's dream unfold. That year Heartline Ministries offered weekly education and basic prenatal care, as well as support and follow up education for the first twelve months of the the baby's life. 
By late September of 2009, Heartline's Prenatal program began to offer a birth-center style delivery option for lower-risk births. We have the records from then and get a kick out of our haphazard notes from the very first birth. Suffice it to say, many, many hands and minds have helped to create the necessary paperwork and protocols and we now have a program that is both methodical and organized. 

We would love to list each person that played a part in the evolution of the program but we fear we would miss someone. We are grateful to each and every one of you.
Currently the program serves approximately 45 pregnant women at a time, as one mother delivers a newly pregnant woman enters the program. The last few years since the earthquake have brought so much sorrow and joy as we have been honored and privileged to walk through tragedy and triumph with hundreds of Haitian women.  
Our dreams for the future include a new maternity center, expansion in order to serve a larger number of women at once, and having an operating suite with the option to keep the ladies that need Cesarean Sections. 
first official birth, September 2009first (only) *miraculous* emergency C/S  - after earthquake, January 2010 -
this is one of the most amazing moments!first (planned for) high-risk birth, February 2011first ambulance birth, January 2013
We had no idea in 2007 that the first small gathering Beth planned would eventually lead to a full and well-rounded program offering prenatal care, labor and delivery services, and postpartum care. Each step of growth has taken place thanks to prayer and careful thought and planning, as well as some trial and error.

God has been faithful to slowly grow the program while providing amazing and brilliant women & men (midwives, nurse midwives, doctors, educators) to teach, guide, encourage, and steer as needed. 

On this International Day of the Midwife we are so grateful to be where we are! We especially want to thank YOU ...  Not a week goes by without a tangible moment of recognition for your part in this work. You help us more than you can possibly understand as you pray, give, and therefore honor , the incredible and tenacious women of Haiti.